Hi Jason,
Frisly great explanation.
As you say, many use xmpp smack, disguised, that you're right.
I know a "GREAT API" called Quickblox is one that is "well documented" why? easy, you have good resources, working with the people who matter.
However the server is never yours, but that's no problem, you can migrate the server in another computer.
What I have come to refer me, is that Quickblox can do "everything" in just one week.
I know the job of programming exceed: Android -> java -> Objects -> Json -> xml/2-> Html / 5 (javascript, ajax etc..) -> Php -> python (server).
I know the work is hard, do not deny it, but you Quickblox does it all in an instant.
cloud server, video-chat, talking with users.
My point of view I think that would be an alternative cloud Quickblox.
http://quickblox.com/developers/Android
Regards!